I never wanted to drive.

Had never really dreamt of being behind the wheel. I tried a little when I was 16 but money was tight then and I couldn’t afford driver’s ed. Not affording it didn’t discourage me or anything, I just felt that a car was a moving death machine. I’ve been in numerous car accidents as a child, the moments were scary and probably did shape a bit of fear around driving but I don’t think it was an integral part. It’s just not what I imagined my freedom being tied to. I hate the thought of it being tied to anything but it’s almost silly to think that way in the world/society that we’ve created.

I’ve always stated that I wanted to live in a walkable city since I was young. I think that is partially the reason why I like where I live so much, I can walk anywhere. It’s a big city but it’s not so big in the way that I can’t get around with just my two feet or a bike. Trauma aside, I always felt that being solely reliant on cars was the worst move to go environmentally. That’s so much waste going into the air. I wanted to live in a place that didn’t require me to drive much.

I’m 24 now. My ideals are still there from when I was younger. However, I know the world just a tiny bit more now, I know that if I want to get to where I want to be, I’m going to have to succumb to the system just a little bit. It hurts my pride a little bit, It was a sentiment that I held on to for a long time. There will be good things to come out of this I am sure. Like being able to get somewhere faster, blasting music in a car, speeding, and being able to go to far away places that aren’t accessible through buses or trains.

I think part of my small lack of excitement is just the thought of another bill. To have a car is expensive. For something we need so much in this world, it’s not as accessible and it costs a mortgage. I’m going into debt just so I can drive to Taco Bell. I would lie and say that I’m sure as I get older and get a better job that these feelings will go away but they won’t. My government hates its people and I’m driving around in the death trap they are using to further divide the masses. I don’t really feel like I’m sticking it to the man when I’m doing exactly what they want.

Even though I’m a little pessimistic about being behind the wheel, I can say that I feel the bit of freedom that you get through being behind the wheel. It has sucked to have to rely on the time of others when you want to get somewhere or be at the mercy of the city and its metro system. I missed things that I wanted to experience because I had no viable way to get there. A 20 minute errand is cut down to 10 minutes because I don’t have to walk. I can meet my friends at more places. The events from flyers that I see or Facebook marketplace are within reach. I can see my family a bit more. They live farther away from me and it has been hard to see them.

The driving bit will get easier.

It’s a lot to be behind the wheel. I think I’m too caught up on the thinking about the responsibilities of being on the road. I feel a bit silly worrying this much but it’s a hunk of metal that can go 100mph, I should be a little scared of it and what it can do.

I’m hoping to test out before next winter. Getting drive time may be a difficult since my instructor and I have some busy schedules. I also just want some time to drive in more residential areas before driving in the city that I live in. They’re pretty aggressive drivers and they scare me.

Wish me luck and I shall see you all on the road soon

Shay ❤