Author: shay2kewl

24 Cheers for the Birthday Girl

I am no longer in my early 20s.

Not that I feel like I’m super old or anything, in fact I feel the youngest I’ve ever been. I’m in my prime or entering my prime era. 23 made me feel so young but aged me emotionally. I don’t feel the need to harp on about the woes of my year, that is what my year in review is for. I just feel really good. I feel really good about my life, about the people in my life, the things that I’m doing, my goals, my health, my family, everything. My hardwork is paying off. I’m seeing the fruits of my labor.

This birthday wasn’t just any birthday, it was my golden birthday. I had been looking forward to this birthday for 10 years honestly. I always wondered what type of person I would be when this birthday rolled around. Would I be happy? Would I be in a relationship? Would I have a nice job? I can say I’m happier than I thought I was going to be at this age. I thought I would be miserable. I was right about being in crippling debt, but I didn’t think about the woman I would become. I never thought I would be a strong, mildly assertive, mindful, compassionate, and capable young woman. I no longer view myself as just a girl. I am a woman.

A woman who had a big birthday to plan.

I spent my last birthday bar hopping with my boyfriend. I had a great time with that but at the time I was struggling to connect with people. I had friends but our relationships were in the budding stages so we weren’t quite at that point yet.

I am at much different place in my life now than I was last year for my birthday. This year I wanted to do a big bash. I wanted to go to the Dells and I wanted to go to a casino to try my luck. Currently, I have a decent sized friend group so that was my biggest issue. I originally wanted to invite at least 20 people max but I narrowed it down to 16 since the place I chose was a 21 and up resort. I figured it was easier this way since you needed to be 21 gamble at the casinos.

To invite that many people over was ballsy. It could either be really good or really bad. My grandma questioned if I knew that many people, which kinda sucked because I don’t see why I wouldn’t be able to make friends or have that many friends. I am thankful that mostly everyone that I invited could show up. It meant a lot to me that people wanted to celebrate me with me. It feels amazing to be celebrated. It feels amazing to know that people see me and want to be with me and hang out with me. To have the community and family that I do is more than I could ever ask for.

Figuring out where to house all the people who were coming was the most stressful part. You would think paying for it would be hard but I was planning ahead early so I had time to save and work overtime if needed.

Our first option was a cabin that housed 14 people. It was super nice and had a lofted sleeping area as well as 2 bedrooms and pullout couches and a private deck. The downsides were that it was right by the rental office, no wifi, there was only one bathroom, and I was 2 people over the limit.

I found out I was over the limit the day that we were supposed to check in. Shout out to Angela at the resort, she really came in clutch. We upgraded to their house instead. That fit 16 people comfortably, 3 bathrooms, 2 living rooms, wifi, a private deck, 5 bedrooms, and a jacuzzi tub in the master suite. It was perfect. I don’t know why I didn’t go with the house in the first place.

https://videopress.com/v/JcaTVLNg?resizeToParent=true&cover=true&posterUrl=https%3A%2F%2Fvideos.files.wordpress.com%2FJcaTVLNg%2F86db92ab-8100-420c-a5be-8634d132a1f6-1_mp4_std.original.jpg&preloadContent=metadata&useAverageColor=true
I am a terrible camera man but this was the digs. It really made the weekend incredible

I had so much booze, so much food, and so much fun. We had a potluck which worked out incredible. We were set for food for the entire weekend. The drinks were flowing too. I had my cherry flavored Dr Mcgillicuddy, I had tequila, I had my favorite moscato wine with me, and I had my friends. It was more than I could ask for. Since the internet sucked, we were kinda forced to talk to each other. It was nice though. I connected on a deeper level with more of my friends. We got to talk about things that gave more insight to who they are and what they have going on. It was nice to disconnect with them like that. It felt like a vacation. That is exactly what I want 24 to feel like, a fucking vacation, especially after the last year that I had.

The casino was cool too. It was a very sad place though. The excitement that my friends and I had versus the sad and lifeless energy the other patrons had was a little staggering. It felt like they almost hated that we were excited. They probably hated that we were a diverse group of people too. Some old coot pushed my friend to get to her husband who wasn’t winning shit and didn’t really even say sorry. I came into the casino with almost $200. I only took out $60 and won absolutely nothing. I thought the birthday luck would carry me but it clearly doesn’t work that way. One of my boyfriend and I’s mutual friend was luckier than I was. They won close to $150 or more I think. I wish I had their luck.

https://videopress.com/v/BPfsgGSE?resizeToParent=true&cover=true&posterUrl=https%3A%2F%2Fvideos.files.wordpress.com%2FBPfsgGSE%2Fad196725-46f4-4032-826c-6249d20e1419_mp4_std.original.jpg&preloadContent=metadata&useAverageColor=true

All in all, it was good to celebrated. Everyone should feel that way on their birthday. They should feel special, they should be surrounded by people who want to be in their orbit.

I am thankful, more thankful than I could ever say. I love all of my friends and most importantly, I love the girl that they’re celebrating. She’s so cool and smart. She knows her shit. She strong willed and has goals She loves having fun and connecting with people. She hates being told what to do and is fiercely independent. She likes miniature earrings and warm sweaters. She likes taking herself on dates. She’s kind of spacey sometimes. Her feet are always planted firmly on the ground but her head is in the clouds. She has a boyfriend who loves her and a family that supports most of the things she does. And she’s really good looking and her ass getting fat too.

I love me. Happy birthday Shanice, you are amazing. It is your year, it’s your time. Go and be great!!

My name is Shanice and the S stands for Speed Demon

I passed my test on 03/04/25

I never wanted to drive.

Had never really dreamt of being behind the wheel. I tried a little when I was 16 but money was tight then and I couldn’t afford driver’s ed. Not affording it didn’t discourage me or anything, I just felt that a car was a moving death machine. I’ve been in numerous car accidents as a child, the moments were scary and probably did shape a bit of fear around driving but I don’t think it was an integral part. It’s just not what I imagined my freedom being tied to. I hate the thought of it being tied to anything but it’s almost silly to think that way in the world/society that we’ve created.

I’ve always stated that I wanted to live in a walkable city since I was young. I think that is partially the reason why I like where I live so much, I can walk anywhere. It’s a big city but it’s not so big in the way that I can’t get around with just my two feet or a bike. Trauma aside, I always felt that being solely reliant on cars was the worst move to go environmentally. That’s so much waste going into the air. I wanted to live in a place that didn’t require me to drive much.

I’m 24 now. My ideals are still there from when I was younger. However, I know the world just a tiny bit more now, I know that if I want to get to where I want to be, I’m going to have to succumb to the system just a little bit. It hurts my pride a little bit, It was a sentiment that I held on to for a long time. There will be good things to come out of this I am sure. Like being able to get somewhere faster, blasting music in a car, speeding, and being able to go to far away places that aren’t accessible through buses or trains.

I think part of my small lack of excitement is just the thought of another bill. To have a car is expensive. For something we need so much in this world, it’s not as accessible and it costs a mortgage. I’m going into debt just so I can drive to Taco Bell. I would lie and say that I’m sure as I get older and get a better job that these feelings will go away but they won’t. My government hates its people and I’m driving around in the death trap they are using to further divide the masses. I don’t really feel like I’m sticking it to the man when I’m doing exactly what they want.

Even though I’m a little pessimistic about being behind the wheel, I can say that I feel the bit of freedom that you get through being behind the wheel. It has sucked to have to rely on the time of others when you want to get somewhere or be at the mercy of the city and its metro system. I missed things that I wanted to experience because I had no viable way to get there. A 20 minute errand is cut down to 10 minutes because I don’t have to walk. I can meet my friends at more places. The events from flyers that I see or Facebook marketplace are within reach. I can see my family a bit more. They live farther away from me and it has been hard to see them.

The driving bit will get easier.

It’s a lot to be behind the wheel. I think I’m too caught up on the thinking about the responsibilities of being on the road. I feel a bit silly worrying this much but it’s a hunk of metal that can go 100mph, I should be a little scared of it and what it can do.

I’m hoping to test out before next winter. Getting drive time may be a difficult since my instructor and I have some busy schedules. I also just want some time to drive in more residential areas before driving in the city that I live in. They’re pretty aggressive drivers and they scare me.

Wish me luck and I shall see you all on the road soon

Shay ❤

2024 in Review

Career

I had been working at my previous job for at least 6 months at the start of this year. I primarily worked at night and also had to work every other weekend.

I wasn’t super gaga about working weekends and the schedule was not as flexible as I wanted/made to believe when I got hired on. But I had really gotten to know the people that I worked with. A big group of people from different countries. More culturally diverse than what I was used to.

Even though I liked majority of the people that I worked with, I was still bored of the job. Bored with the tasks, the sights, and the routine. I wanted more stimulation, a challenge. I had always viewed this job as a means to an end. I had bills to pay but I knew that I couldn’t see myself at this position long term. I’ve been in food service for a decade of my life. I just graduated with my little fancy liberal arts Marketing degree that I still don’t have my diploma for to this day. I want to do something in the field that I went to school for like any young graduate but it was super hard to find any entry level jobs.

I was approached by one of my many supervisors and was asked if I would consider being a Lead worker for the night shift. I’d been asked before about this position a few months into this job, but I turned it down because I thought it was too early. I wanted a better grasp of the people and work before I agreed to anything.

I was a bit more open to it than I was before. I’d been there for at least half a year and everyone that I worked with I had a great deal of love and respect for. I thought and still think the world of the crew members that I worked with. They felt like family.

I also was looking to move.

My boyfriend and I were living in a studio apartment with our dog and things were getting cramped. It was hard to entertain people, storage wasn’t easy, and we were just outgrowing the space. I wanted to up my pay so I could help afford the cost of living at our new place.

I never thought of myself as a leader.

I knew I was responsible but I thought that my inability to deal with problems as they arise would automatically pull me out of any runnings. I’d been a leader before and I liked it but I didn’t feel super great at it or anything. I’ve found this year in both my personal and professional life that people think I am just too nice. They think because I’m nice that I’m passive or that it is easy to walk over me. It’s frustrating to be met with these things when you genuinely care about the thoughts, opinions, and wellbeing of others. I’ve always been a collaborative person. I would hate for anyone to be left out of anything or feel like they never had a say. Being a manager was the perfect way for me to excel in my nature. I liked being a manager, I loved the people that I managed and the atmosphere that I’d created.

I wasn’t prepared for the hardships of being a manager though. Balancing the line between friend and manager, having to show up mentally and emotionally everyday, the emotional labor of making sure morale was good, and dealing with management.

The shit was hard, I won’t ever deny that. If I made it look easy, just know I was struggling. I can deal with people not doing what I ask them. I can compromise. If I think your way is better than the way that I have in my head then I could allow it. I realize why/how I could’ve been seen as a pushover when I was just trying to be collaborative. Sometimes being assertive gets lost in the craziness of the shift. In the feelings of the person who tells me what they’re struggling with outside of work, in the numbers that the higher ups try to push on us, the weird enforcement of rules, and in the drama of work. The assertiveness that I sometimes lacked, I felt like I made up for in other ways.

I showed up for my people. I truly tried hard to make things right for them. My ultimate goal was to always make sure they never had to worry about much while they were at work. I wanted to make sure that they had time to talk to each other, encourage each other, be a shoulder that I couldn’t be sometimes. I wanted to make sure they at least could say they enjoyed their shift just a little bit. I would leave work exhausted from double checking and finishing up tasks. My feet would ache so badly and the emotions and stress that I tried not to show throughout the day would make me irritable or stressed at times. I was happy for a while. Shorter than I was expecting. I loved my crew, they made me feel so respected, that my hard work was appreciated. That they mostly cared for me as much as I cared for them. I would’ve stayed longer but I know when a place is not for me anymore.

Living is cool.

I do a bit of it from time to time. However, I found I was doing less of that with the hours that I worked. The money was nice. I was making more money than I ever had in my life. $23 isn’t like crazy but to someone who was used to making $15 for the last 4 years, I felt fucking rich. There were definitely signs, being able to pay expedited shipping, buying $90 humidifiers, or 4 Lego sets in one trip. Even though the money was nice, I was missing out on too much. I missed my family and my free time. I had crumbs to devout to hobbies, new interests, or friends. I was growing restless too. I hated the environment. There was no room to grow, to do what I truly wanted. The skills that I have I know can be put to better use for things other than the drone work that didn’t interest me. I had something growing inside me. I’ve felt this before, this feeling and I are so familiar we are almost like kin. The feeling of more.

It can be hard to accept more. The call to do more can make you crazy; you can see/hear it everywhere. I thought that it would take me longer to feel this way, I had been a manager for at least 6 months, but I wanted more out of the time I had. I wanted to see more life. I knew that through opening my schedule up could help me find where I wanted to be career wise. I felt like I was missing opportunities by being in the environment I was in. I felt bogged down. I felt like I was just watching my life pass me by. My weekends were filled with laundry, clothes I didn’t wear, and here and there memories. I felt like I was much older than I was. I wanted to feel young and free again. Like damn, I really felt like I should’ve been at the club.

After I changed jobs, my schedule opened a lot more. I found myself not dreading work as much. I could actually begin to try and start planning for new hobbies. I felt like I watched the sun come in. I’ve been so much happier, though my pockets are suffering. I’ve lived without before, it’s hard but I learned that I could still be happy. The more I let myself be too focused or sad on the lack, the more I began to miss out with the things that I did have. It has helped me learn to be happy with have I have now and work on the things that I don’t but not let the work take center focus.

I feel somewhat closer to figuring out what I might want to go into career wise.

I want to be where the community is. But community is weird now though. There are too many people who want to be minorities. They don’t want to be like the others, they want to be unique. They are already unique but this stupid push for being the most unique, most misunderstood, is crazy. I’m not bashing people for thinking they’re different, but it’s really limiting us to see ourselves in others. With the differences that we want seen/acknowledged, there should be room for empathy, but there isn’t. Everything just feels like a pissing contest. My weirdness is better than yours type shit. It’s been so weird to encounter the more I talk to people. It makes it 10x harder to interact with others.

I like to be surrounded by people, not because I’m lonely though. I am content with being alone, I love and respect myself very much that has never been a problem. However, I love people. They’re so fascinating and complex. I see myself in them. I feel for them. The desire that I feel to be seen, I know and feel it’s universal. It’s nothing new, I didn’t discover this, but I see it in all of my interactions. Everyone is so individualistic. So to themselves, they don’t know how to be with other people. So many people love the idea of people but don’t ever truly see them. It’s more than being superficial but it’s deeper. They’re so worried about how people suit them, they don’t really ever want to connect, they just want to be comfortable. It’s great to be comfortable and it’s a nice basis for a relationship but if that’s all that you focus on then I feel like you’re just settling. People let too much shit slide just because they want to be comfortable and keep what they have. Those are the main people who are nonconfrontational, can never be good with their words, they’re flighty. Always in the wind because they always go where they think they’ll be comfortable. Not safe, but comfortable. They usually aren’t happy for a long time either there. That’s why they always stay in some fucking mess and will throw you under the bus if you threaten their comfortability. Stay away from those people.

Despite that, I want to connect with people. It’s hard nowadays. We’re so busy trying to change the world and society that we’re not acknowledging the actual changes that we’ve made. People don’t even say “Hi” or “Thank You” to the bus drivers anymore. They look at you funny when you try to talk to them or ask them something in public. People are seeing people but they’re just looking past them. I want to help people connect. I miss connection. Building community shouldn’t be this hard. Living in community shouldn’t be this hard. People have no love for others, no respect, no will to want to see people succeed in this world. Yet they are so fixed on buildings these families. Family has become the new community but it’ll never have its nachos. Those things are the same but different. They crave those close connections with others but think that they need to be a family in order to be that close.

I want a job that will help me bring those issues to the forefront. Or something that will help me build a community or help people build them. The best part of my previous job as a manager was just building and maintaining the community that I was in. It made me happy to see people smiling and talking and forming connections with their other coworkers. That was the best part of the job. I want more of that. That is the more that I’ve been craving.

Hopefully in 2025 I can get closer to reaching my goal. Or at least have a better idea. Hopefully further than where I am now is all I can hope for.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Local Girl & Co Catches Fever, More at 1am

” So you’re worried about not because you’ll be in a house full of vampires but because you think they won’t approve of you”

~ Edward Anthony Cullen

I fucking love Twilight.

It was one of the first book series I fell in love with ever. I don’t know what it is about the story that drew me in the way it did. It’s not like it’s remarkable or anything and could’ve been written better but despite those things, it’s still one of the greatest pieces of literature that I’ve ever read.

Let me take you back circa 2008-2011. I first discovered Twilight when I was either 9 or 10; I think I was just at the right age to get hooked. My older sister had a friend at the time who was super excited about New Moon coming out. Me being an avid reader was incredibly interested. I don’t think I had ever read anything with vampires in it. I read some supernatural stories like The Tail of Emily Windsnap but nothing that crazy. I would save that stuff for when I was 13.

She was nice enough to gift me her copy, I hadn’t discovered my local library yet, and I remember being super fascinated with the cover. I think this was my first young adult novel. It was much thicker than all the other books I had read. The apple and hand on the cover all but beckoned me to open it. I don’t think I told my grandma I was reading it. She stopped paying attention to all the books I read around this time since I read a lot. I remember tracing the hand and memorizing the book cover because I thought it was so cool. I’m not sure if I read it the first night I got it but I remember reading the preface and being intrigued instantly. The stakes were already so high. I had never read anything like this. There were people dying who had never before.

I was hooked. I had gotten the fever. I was my first teenage girl obsession ever. It was like one of my towers had just been hit. The JB and One Direction obsessions would hit my other towers 2/3 years later.

It became everything to me. I eat, breathed, slept, pissed, and shitted anything Twilight. It was all I could talk about it. It was all I could think about. My sister wasn’t as into it but I had friends at school who were. Despite my fever, I only had access to the first book, I wouldn’t read New Moon or the rest of the series for quite some time.

As I aged, I grew more obsessed. I had managed to see Breaking Dawn pt 1 in theaters with my grandma and sister and pirated part 2 online with my uncles, cousins, and siblings. But I always felt like I was missing out on having seen in them theaters. I only had the books and streaming services weren’t like they were now when I was younger. I did manage to see them once I pirated them or had gotten the DVDs from the book mobile. I had a ritual for a couple months where I would rent out Twilight and New Moon and watch them back to back. I would also read the books all in one weekend as well. I can quote all the movies word for word, I can point out what scenes had what songs. I loved all the soundtracks and like every young twihard, I wanted to live in Washington in hopes I would meet my own loyal vampire boyfriend I could die in childbirth and be reborn into a vampire with.

The magic eventually wore off as I got older and read better books with better tropes and better plot and non Mary sue characters. I formed different opinions on the series I was super obsessed over.

It’s not God’s gift to humanity or anything but it was still something special to me. It was my first love so to say.

You can imagine at my age of 24, how excited I was to learn that 2 of my local Marcus Theaters were hosting a Twilight Marathon. I had done many of those myself no sweat so I was prepared. 12 hours of Twilight. It sounded like a dream come true and some thing much needed after the stress of starting the new year. I asked 8 of my friends if they were interested in joining me in this endeavor. We had just watched Twilight a couple weeks prior at a sleepover so I knew they were Twihards like myself. 5 of them agreed (my boyfriend agreed to come later on). Out of the 3 of them had never seen Twilight but were down for an entire day at the movie theater.

The marathon started at noon. Honestly, it would’ve been nicer if it had started earlier so we wouldn’t have left at like 1am that would’ve been great. I got there later than my friends because Tay and I stopped to grab snacks and gas on the way. It was nice to be at the theater early enough to where we could get their full menu. I’m used to going later at night when they don’t have shit like the funnel cake bites.

My boyfriend had never seen any of the twilight movies until then. He’s not super interested but he loves me or whatever so he decided to tag along too. The theater has bingo card for us to use during our watch. They gave us super shitty crayons though so it wasn’t possible to really play. It gave me ideas on my own watch party idea though.

It was very fulfilling to achieve a childhood dream of mine even if it’s something as small as this. I felt like I missed out an experience because I was so young. When I saw Breaking Dawn in theaters it was amazing to view it with other fans and anticipate scenes that we loved and hated. I was happy that I was able to do it with such a great group of friends too. The people in the theater were great too. It was such an open atmosphere where we could all talk, laugh, and make fun of. I’m thankful my friends were down to do something moderately crazy with me like this. I’m happy that I have people in my life to indulge with. They’re always up for whatever I’m suggesting.

I also booked the wrong theater. Lesson learned, don’t buy tickets while you’re high and to double check lmao.

Thanks for reading

Shay ❤

Sausage Took Me Places I Wouldn’t Go With A Gun

Sausage Took Me Places I Wouldn’t Go With A Gun

Sausage and Potato Soup

I love soups.

I love broths, stews, and anything in between. You can make anything into a soup tbh. There’s something about warm liquid flavorful liquid going your throat that’s just so comforting.

I’ve made soups before but it’s just the usual beef stew or chicken noodle. I was really hankering for new. I’m growing tired of just eating chicken and beef, I wanted to try cooking with some meats I don’t normally cook with but enjoy eating. I wanted something hearty and healthy.

I decided on sausage cause it’s one of those I felt like I could utilize more. I only eat it during breakfast but I’m trying not to be so limiting with my food.

Receipe was fairly easy, I’m not a savant in the kitchen. It was my first time chopping an onion by myself, I was pretty proud of myself tbh. The ingredients weren’t too difficult to find either. You can use any sausage, I got whatever normal kind they had the store. Don’t normally cook with Dijon mustard, I used it as a replacement with the mustard seasoning or powder the recipe called for. All the other seasoning I had cause they’re staples in my house lmao.

Was pretty baked during the whole cooking process but it was fun.

It was such a cute soup. Incredibly meaty as well since I bought like 2 pounds of meat. It definitely does help to soften the veggies in the butter before hand. I used a lot of butter but it added a really great flavor.

I didn’t have all the ingredients initially. I was under the impression that we had chicken broth but I didn’t know that my boyfriend had used it all the in the recent beef stroganoff that we had. Of course the weather was fucking awesome for that trip. No joke, it was like 1 degrees outside. I went to the corner store by my house because it was too cold to walk to any other stores and I didn’t want to ask my boyfriend to bring any on his way home because I wanted it to be a surprise what I was making. I was also mid sausage cooking when all of this was happening.

The one time I need chicken broth, the corner store is out...

I searched the store for like 5 minutes and I couldn’t find anything. This was pre new glasses mind you, I can’t see for shit. I was about to give up when the cashier asked me if I was looking for something and he helped me find it. It was right where I thought it was but it was the cubes. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with using bouillon cubes, I just ain’t ever used them. I bought 2 containers of those and still walked up the street to another local corner store/bodega to see if they had the container that I wanted. I don’t know why the container mattered so much to me. It literally didn’t fucking matter at all, I had the broth that I needed but I guess I was just nervous about trying something new.

That store didn’t have the container I wanted either…

They had the cans. I’ve been to this store before soooo many times, they always had the container that I wanted. I was mad as fuck and cold, but I still bought the can kind anyway.

Thankfully the house didn’t burn down while I was away but I did miss Way We Do It by Gee Lee on shuffle 😦

The rest of the cooking process wasn’t bad. It’s a soup so it does most of the work. I think it only took like close to an hour maybe less to cook everything. The hardest part about making it for me personally letting it thicken up. You would think having to go outside in that shit would be the worst of it, but it smelled so good that I almost couldn’t wait.

All in all, it was pretty fucking good. I had 2 servings which doesn’t happen often with anything. Definitely would advise taking a lactaid if you’re gonna make it since it has heavy whipping cream in it. Would definitely make it again. I think next time I’ll make it with egg or buttered noddles, I feel like it could pair well with those.

Let me know if you liked it or if you went a different direction with it in the comments!!

Shay ❤